All that had stopped her, most times, was the knowledge of how her Mother and Father would look at her if she had done so. The sadness and disappointment would have been more than she could have born. Especially if she had become pregnant from him. Not only would it have ruined HER life, but HIS as well.She "got it out of her system" as best she could, and sat down at her desk, planning what she could do to repay this kindness and confidence. Most of her life, "white people" had been, at least, to a degree, just something she had needed to figure on. She had never encountered overt racism, thankfully, but had on occasion, been treated enough differently that she had been aware of it. It had been enough to make her try harder, and expend the energy to excel far beyond what most people thought she was capable of. Her hard work and, at times, tears of frustration, was paying off. She had contemplated, numerous times, chucking it all, and shouting "TO HELL WITH IT," and quitting. NOW,. But as they chatted, they both felt that wave of recognition that they were both falling –again! She loved that sense of inevitability, like a skier on a ski jump who sets off and hurtles downwards, with no chance of stopping. She had been hurt a few times, sure, -who hasn’t? – but the passion and the thrill of racing down that slope made her forget the hard landings she had before. She sat back as he was talking. She was half listening to him, but her eyes were milking in his presence. He was so cute, she loved the way his hair hung around his eyes, loved the way his eyes smiled at her, loved… everything about him. ‘Slow down!’ she told herself. ‘You’ll get hurt again’ But her inner voice was drowned out by the tingling throughout her body, and the delicious intoxication she felt in her head, like she had maxxed out on too many Chardonnays. She had drunk one glass, well, two, and as the wine relaxed her, she savored the moment of realising that she was going to love loving this man..
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